July 30, 2008
· Filed under Faith, Random
Lately I keep falling into the unconscious habit of pondering ‘big’ life things at the most inappropriate and unhelpful times. I’ve identified two such times when I seem to do this most (there are numerous others…but these seem relevant right now).
1. When I’m sick. I currently have some kind of virus/headcold things. Which in my mind is one of the worst kinds- you feel as though you’ve been hit by a truck and yet you have nothing to show for it. You go to the doctors hoping to come out being able to proclaim that you have some exotic disease to show for your pain and suffering…but no. “Bed rest and keep the fluids up”. Anyway that is not my point. My point is that during these times (or any times of ill-health) it seems to be easier to over-dramatise bad situations and one can easily think things are worse than they really are. Example a) you wake up feeling like your throat has been cut and accidentally pour juice into your bowl of milk and cereal because you think it’s your empty glass. Annoying, yes. Reason for tears? No. A sign that perhaps you are a bit under the weather? Yes. Justification for having a panic attack that you’re losing your vision? No!
2. Late at night. I liken the hours of 12-4am to having a high Blood Alcohol reading. Honestly. The smallest of life’s issues can be on my mind at around this time and they can turn catastrophic. Yet after a small amount of shut eye and the existence of a new dawn, I often wake up wondering whether the angst from the previous hours really had been because I’d had too much of something. It’s not that I consciously try to choose this time of day to solve the world’s problems…but it usually turns out that way. For example I had a rough night babysitting last week and I came home late and stayed awake for hours trying to decide then and there whether or not I really thought I could handle having children one day. Why is it we try to make such decisions under these circumstances?
All of these things seem so obvious now…but it doesn’t stop me from doing it again. I wonder how this can relate to the way we perceive God? I’m not perfect and often I have these down moments. However God is never up and down- he is constantly consistent (hehe I like that). So maybe…just maybe…when I’m feeling despair/sickness/tiredness etc and I’m doubting God’s existence or goodness…perhaps that’s a good time to go to bed and wait for the sunshine to come back.
July 27, 2008
· Filed under Faith
I’ve recently made the move from a small church of around 30 people to…well a much bigger church. I was very hesitant at first. It’s scary walking into a room full of people you don’t really know at all apart from maybe recognising friends of friends, wondering whether you have a place there or not. And even scarier making the decision to keep walking into that room once a week until it starts to feel ok. I love my old church dearly and the people there will forever remain extended aunts/uncles and mentors in my life. I’ve been journeying with them for the past 5 or so years and so it was a difficult move to make. But I also knew it was time for a change and a new season in my life.
In my experiences so far I’ve been brought up in one church, and moved into another with existing friends and family when it started. So for me to make a move to a new church on my own has been a bit of a step-up in my faith. My faith has always been my own- but now it’s more exposed and vulnerable. I don’t have the option of slipping back into comfy familiarity when I get tested. I was feeling for a while that it was time to be stretched.
So far it’s been a wondrous journey. The new people I’m meeting are inspiring, welcoming and accepting. Which has been awesome. A huge aspect to making a fresh start is the ability to meet new people who don’t know me from a bar of soap and in funny ways it creates opportunities for closure- which are healthy and necessary in life. I’m stupidly disappointed that moving churches hasn’t automatically resulted in all of my faith issues being solved. But I was reminded today that one should never be content in their faith. Which is obvious and completely logical to me…but I do wish that I could just once feel a little on top of things rather than always lagging behind where it is I want to be in my relationship with God and how I’m living that out.
I’ve been needing to write about this stuff and try to make sense of this transition phase I’m in. It’s feeling good.
July 24, 2008
· Filed under Random
I’m terrible when it comes to saying no to things. I hate the thought of letting people down or seeming to be unhelpful/unavailable. But this morning I plucked up the courage and uttered that one little two-letter word- and I feel great 
I’d already slept in and was facing a super rushed morning to get everything done and make it to a meeting at uni at 12. Oh don’t get me wrong…I’m already considering changing my mind and going out of guilt because now instead of 10 opinions on this panel they’ll have 9. But I’m determined to push through and make it to the other side. In fact I think I might go and make a cup of tea to celebrate my act of deviance.
July 21, 2008
· Filed under Faith
Living out this christian thing gets to me sometimes. Well…a lot. At an age where everything is changing and big decisions are being made and in a culture where you’ve gotta live for today because there’s no guarantee of security tomorrow, fitting God into the picture can prove interesting. Put on top of all that the important issue of living as a witness to others, and you’ve got some ingredients for a mean identity crisis.
How should one go about encouraging those around them to take up the example of Jesus in their lives in a non-threatening, non-awkward and non-friendship straining way? Is it possible? Should it be possible? I’m beginning to think that the more I try to fence sit and try not to cause discomfort when discussing my faith with others, the less convinced I sound that I even believe in what I’m saying.
Sadly I notice (especially in myself) an attitude of ‘well what’s the point?’. Life could be so much easier if I kept this little light of mine inside a jar and kept the lid on. Thanks to Jennie Flack and her super intelligent scientifically proven theory however, this doesn’t work for long. Not only will my little light be starved of oxygen and go out, but carrying around a jar and not doing anything with it seems kinda pointless so after a while I’d probably be inclined to put it down somewhere with the intention of picking it up down the track.
Believe it or not, I have a passion for encouraging other christian young adults. But laying things bare- this is where I’m at at the moment. Somewhere along the lines something clicked slightly out of place and since then I’ve been struggling to see straight out of my metaphorical ‘how I perceive God and his place for me in the world’ glasses.
Hmm….a rather depressing post with no happy ending. I don’t have any answers at the moment though. But that’s life hey?!
July 21, 2008
· Filed under Random
Hmm…so today is the day when I’m supposed to officially go back to Uni. I have attempted to go back the last two Mondays but each time I’ve gone in I’ve been told that study participants aren’t ready yet or my thesis hasn’t been fully looked over. So it’s been a bit frustrating. And now that I actually do have things to do at uni today…it’s 11.14am and I’m still in my pj’s after getting up around half an hour ago when the phone rang. I’m severely lacking in motivation and enthusiasm.
I get the feeling it’s not just uni that I’m lacking motivation for. Most things recently have required that little bit more effort and it’s not a good frame of mind to find myself in because once I feel like this it then takes a lot of energy to pull myself out of the rut and get going. So…here’s my list of things that are ‘good’ to hopefully inject some ‘get up and go’ into my weariness. I may be clutching at straws…but hey.
- I have a due date. A big scary due date on the 22nd of October (due dates have got that unique power to make you stress and/or get things done!)
- My clothes buying ban comes off in 3 days- yay! (I put a ban on myself for one month from buying any clothes- whether from op-shops or not- in an attempt to save money and help me to realise the abundance I already have). I’m not sure I’ve learnt a whole lot from this experience. Maybe I need another month.
- My favourite cereal was in the cupboard this morning. I love my breakfast and it was particularly good today
- I like my friends- having people who are genuinely interested in how I’m going and feeling accepted is a wonderful thing.
- My petrol tank is at least half full so now the thought of driving down to uni in the next hour or so is not so daunting because I know I won’t have to fork out huge amounts of money just to get there.
- Lastly, the sun seems to be shining (I haven’t gone outside yet…but I can see it peeking through the curtains). So maybe I’ll venture out for some pure vitamin D absorbtion goodness later
Ok…I think that’s a sufficient amount of positive self talk to motivate me to start my day. If only I could inject myself with it…but that’d involve a needle…and potentially blood. No thanks!
July 17, 2008
· Filed under Faith
If you’ve been watching the news or reading the papers at all this week you’d no doubt be aware of World Youth Week and the Pope visiting Sydney. To be honest I knew nothing about it until a friend said to me recently ’so how are you celebrating youth week?’. I was very puzzled but realised soon after than even though this person has known me for about 10 years, to her being Catholic and being a Christian are not different.
Anyway, I was at home today so I was able to watch a lot of the coverage of the Pope’s visit on TV. The more I watched, the more frustrated I became. One news reporter asked some priest ’so these young people singing and cheering- are they experiencing the rapture of the church or are they just excited’?. This same reporter went on to say that the pilgrims were welcoming their “Spiritual Father”. The issues I have with this are that a) the Pope is human- just like us- and cannot come close to comparing to THE Spiritual Father, and b) it saddens me that like my friend, many others could watch this and buy into the idea that Christianity is about praising humans and uplifting them to places that should be reserved for God and God only.
The one thing that particularly makes me feel uncomfortable regarding the Catholic faith and relating to this is that it makes God out to be inaccessible. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not feel able to talk to God whenever, wherever I like. And in a generation where human authority is becoming less and less revered, I wonder how many young people might perceive the idea that in order to connect with God you need to get to him through a human, fallible priest.
Just some thoughts.
July 15, 2008
· Filed under Movies
Thanks to the history lesson from my cousin Lindsay tonight, I found out that in America if you ask someone for their John Hancock you’re actually asking for their signature. This is because John Hancock was the last guy to sign the American Constitution…or something like that. Anyway…I do have a point here. I just got back from seeing the new movie Hancock.
I was excitedly anticipating seeing it- it looked kinda funny/adventurous/not too scary which is just the way I like my movies. And it was a great movie. Aside from the few moments when apparently those either side of me said it felt like I was trying to physically pull myself into the very being of the chair I was in (yeah….there were some scary bits :s). I love watching a movie where I try to pick the storyline but it turns out differently and admittedly much better than the storyline that I had in mind! Will Smith was believable- he took me on a journey and at one stage my cousin and I even clapped his advancement during the plot (no there were not many other people in the cinema…don’t worry). Charlize Theron was awesome. Captivating and clever. All in all (aside from the scary bit- my whole right arm is actually in a lot of pain from being so tense) it was a fantastic movie and I’d recommend it.
Now I’m off to watch Bambi before I go to bed 
July 15, 2008
· Filed under Uncategorized
I once had a blog some years ago now- after a while I decided to get rid of it because I found it a little too self-absorbing writing about my own thoughts all the time. So why have I picked up the virtual pen again? Not too sure why to be honest. A few immediate reasons spring to mind: my vocabulary has gone down the drain so I want to practice writing again, I’m currently at a loose end in my studies waiting for things to happen and finally some new friends of mine seem to blog quite often so I guess I should give it a try to see what all the rage is!
My old blog was called ‘thegreenbook’ after my trusty old journal that I write in sometimes. However for some reason I can’t use that name anymore, so I unashamedly went onto good old Babelfish and translated boring english words into cool languages like French and Portuguese to see what I came up with. The only language other than English that I speak is Japanese, but I figured I’d keep it simple using the normal alphabet. So…that’s where vele gedachten comes from. It’s actually Dutch for ‘many thoughts’, which to me, sums up the usual happenings inside my head
To know a little about me and what I’m up to in life- I’m currently 21, living up in beautiful Olinda (as well as Mt.Waverley- more later on that) and I’m studying doing Honours in Health Sciences. I anticipate much of the stuff I write about will relate to what I’m studying basically because it’s at the forefront of my ‘vele gedachten’ and I’m also pretty passionate about it!
Well that’s it for now. I’ll write again soon
