September 29, 2008
· Filed under I'm avoiding study..., People I love, Random
As I said last time, blogging’s slipped its way down the priority ladder recently as other things like a 12,000 word thesis have taken precedence. However I felt compelled to quickly jot down some thoughts from the last week.
I had my 3rd visit to the Naturopath last week and it was a rather eventful hour or so. To cut a long story short…I’m hoping it’s my last visit. In the process of having my finger pricked to find out what blood type I am I somehow fainted. Seems ridiculous for such a thing to happen when I wasn’t even looking at my finger as it was stabbed or anything like that- but a few minutes later I was off in lala land dreaming about playing with my nephew Sam when all of a sudden I was being shaken and my head was shoved downwards as the woman was saying ‘keep breathing!!’. It was an odd experience- I could’ve sworn I was out for hours and I didn’t quite know where or who I was when I came to either. I was already feeling under the weather that morning and since then I’ve come down with some horrible head cold that doesn’t want to go away. It’s been 6 days of basically no uni work because of it and I’m beginning to wonder if I should apply for an extension (cringes…I hate applying for extensions!).
Other than that going on, (and I mention this quietly/tentatively) there does seem to be a budding friendship starting for one of my family members which is exciting and weird at the same time. It’s kind of forced me to re-evaluate my relationship with this family member, which frightened me at first but I must admit that it’s been good as it’s forced us to delve into some tricky topics together and remind me of how much I cherish our closeness.
That’s all I have time for now, another time when I’m sick of thesis-ing I’ll jot some more thoughts down 
September 22, 2008
· Filed under I'm avoiding study..., Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category), Uni stuff
I haven’t been able to blog for a while now and it will be a longer while yet before I’ll be back in the land of normal unfortunately. My thesis is due in just over 4 weeks and the pressure is increasing daily (much to the disappointment of the little person inside of me that keeps saying- ‘it’s Springtime! Let’s go out and play!’).
I went away for the weekend to a little country town out past Ballarat which was nice. I took my laptop and actually got a lot of work done without all the distractions of home. Now that I’m back my motivation has dropped considerably though 
*sigh*. I’ve reached a bit of a brick wall in my analysis and I’m likening it to when you make a cake and put all the ingredients in and then cook it- you can’t then un-make it and get the ingredients back into their original form. Well…I feel as though I’m ‘making my analysis cake’ but now when I try to go back and re-evaluate it it’s a pile of mush.
Anyway…due dates don’t care for how I feel. They’re cold-hearted, nightmare dwelling creatures that kick you when you’re down!
Enough grumbles…back to work.
September 12, 2008
· Filed under Random
I said I’d post about my second visit to see a Naturopath. My recent experiences were not overly positive and I must say that I was not looking forward to going back for my 2nd appointment- especially not if it involved having my finger stabbed again .
One thing she did this time was take a photo of each of my eyes and chart them on an iridology map. I’m not sure how convinced I am of the concept of this (for example the fact that I have big pupils means that I’m a more open, vulnerable and sensitive person. I thought my pupils looked large because there was a very bright light shining on them?!) but it fascinated me none the less. A few things she pointed out about my eyes were that there’s a black line running from my pupil in my left eye out to the outside edge of the black ring surrounding the blue bit of my eye- and apparently its position signifies a genetic weakness in the left side of my neck. This kinda amazed me because I actually do- whenever I go to the physio he says that the left side is always tighter and harder to get the muscles to relax.
Another thing she said was that the little white cloudy bits in my eyes signify a weakness to dairy products- because my lymphatic system wasn’t very good at flushing itself through. I guess that could partly explain why I often have pain in my sinuses. But who knows. I’ve decided to go off dairy for 2 weeks to see if it makes a difference. I LOVE my milk, cheese and yoghurt so I can tell you I am not happy about this!!! But, I’m much less happy about having headaches…so I’ve gotta weigh things up.
Again the appointment went for over 2 hours- but it took quite a different turn towards the end. After she loaded me up with herbs, pills and supplements- she said she was going to massage my neck a little. A naturopath who does massage? Interesting…I certainly wasn’t complaining- it was much better than having someone grill me about my diet and personal health details. Oh one important detail was that randomly during the appointment she asked me ‘are you a Christian?’…bit out of the blue- but I said yes.
So I’m sitting there having some sort of deep heat rubbed into my neck feeling excruitiating pain at the same time as pure bliss (very odd experience…but good I think). After I while I started to relax a little bit and could’ve almost fallen asleep I reckon, and I was startled back to life a bit when she quietly said ‘can I pray for you?’. I was taken aback but said ‘yes- please!’ straight away. So I’m sitting in this little office with this woman with her hands resting on my forehead and neck praying away- and honestly I have NEVER felt such heat coming from my forehead before. I felt like my head was on fire! It was super relaxing though- probably good I was sitting down. After a while- time kind of seemed to stand still- she stopped praying and took her hand away. I was like ‘wow! My forehead felt like it was on fire!’. Her response?
‘oh…yeah sorry I still had some deep heat on my hand’.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or feel embarressed. Here am I thinking some pretty full-on prayer ministry is going on and someone’s just holding deep heat against my forehead! I still believe that it was more than that…but it’s still funny.
So yes…that was my second Naturopath experience. Quite different from the first! I have to go back in another 2 weeks…so we’ll see how this no-dairy trial goes!
September 11, 2008
· Filed under Sport
Haven’t blogged for a few days and this is just a quick one before my head hits the pillow. I’ve been pretty busy- went back to the Naturopath (now that deserves a whole post of its own…which I will attempt to do justice soon) and I’ve been trying oh so hard to motivate myself to study…and I’m struggling.
Tonight I scored a basketball game for my brothers- and the crazy thing is that I’m now experiencing really tight chest and stomach pains which I had no sign of before the game. I’ve never felt so tense watching 10 big guys sprint around a court crazily after a little ball. I’m also not sure I’ve seen quite such an abundance of sweat in awhile either!
But anyway…there I am scoring and I couldn’t sit still. I was leaning forward, then back, then forward- I’m surprised I didn’t jump out of the jolly seat! Every time someone looked like they were gonna come crashing to the ground (which was a lot) my stomach did flips and I didn’t notice until the end of the game that my whole body was cramped up as if the ball was about to land on my head.
It was a tense and exciting game and I knew players from either teams. It was funny to watch- everytime my brothers would jump up to defend the guy on the other team we knew they’d kinda jump towards him, then lean back suddenly cos you could tell they didn’t wana hurt each other but at the same time needed to slam the ball out of each others hands with enough force to make the floor shudder. Sometimes it worked, other times it didn’t. At one stage by complete accident my oldest brother swiped at the ball to get it out of the other guy’s hand but got the angle of his swing wrong and sent the ball straight up into this guys face! :s
It reminded me of the years and years of Basketball I’ve played and made me realise that perhaps I still have a little bit of white line fever in the blood- competition brings out my most un-friendly and not very pretty side. I’m glad it wasn’t me on the court playing against my friends. Both of my brothers are great basketballers- and unfortunately they know how to rub people up the wrong way on a court by being too good at snatching the ball out from underneath the unsuspecting victims. But the good thing is- the second we got out to the car to go home they were transformed back into their lovely gentle selves and all the anger from the game had gone.
Anyway…off to bed now. Still feeling tight chested and tense Maybe I should pop some valium next time I go to score!
September 8, 2008
· Filed under Random
Well this has made my night. I’ve found a band called Ruth. Now, there’s no need to go into how I found out that my name is semi-famous (apart from the fact that it’s a book in the Bible :p). Let’s just say that facebooking your own name is possibly one of THE most pathetic forms of procrastination from study. However sadly after a long and big day and under the strain of a terrible headache, that sort of thing doesn’t seem so abnormal in my mind until afterwards. Time for bed perhaps.
September 4, 2008
· Filed under Social Health stuff, Uni stuff
I’m currently doing some data analysis of the interviews I conducted for my honours project. For a good few weeks I’d read through transcripts again and again thinking ‘this has nothing!’. I was so busy trying to look for abstract ideas and concepts that I could relate to my data that I skipped the vital step of simply grouping the main themes together. Obvious? Apparently not.
But anyway…I’ve hopped to and for the last few days I’ve been busy busy at my desk filling word documents with quotes relating to particular themes and ideas that I find interesting. And perhaps finally something has gone ‘a ha!’ in my head. Of course you have initial ‘a ha’s and then these get a bit clearer and might turn into a bit of a ‘yippeeee I’ve got it!!!!’…but let’s not get ahead of ourselves just yet :p
The thing that disturbs me most is that while I sit here comfortably (well…relatively. Hours at a desk is not my idea of comfort) I’m putting under the microscope the vulnerabilities and deep feelings of these women who so desperately need to be given a break. For those of you who don’t know, I’m studying the influence of the Welfare to Work policy on low-income single mother’s food provision. And yeah…my little ‘a ha’ moment has developed as I repeatedly see the word ‘choice’ in the interviews. I brushed past it perhaps because it seemed mundane or ‘normal’. We all make choices everyday. Big deal. But the thing (and although it may seem simple and well ‘der’) that gets me is that low income single mothers are most certainly not spoilt for choice.
One woman said
‘Yeah, so like even though, say if I was partnered then maybe you may have to sacrifice money or something choosing not to work and not to send your child there (referring to after school care) but I feel like at least you have a choice. Rather than your basic income being cut off’.
The same woman said something that made my heart sink;
‘I do feel like I can’t parent the way I want to and I can’t parent my child the way she needs to be parented and the reason I can’t is because I’ve ended up a single parent really through no choice of my own like I didn’t say ‘right I want to be a single parent’!’
We trivialize choice everyday. Consumerist hype throws so many options in our face urging us to take all we can get while we can because you never know- tomorrow it might come in pink instead of just purple- and we just get used to it. It was difficult to take a step back and realise how much choice means to some of these women. For many of them this policy has forced them to give up hope of working at all for a good few years because they’ve felt like their only choice was to home school their child so that they could parent them in the way they wanted to without having all welfare just cut off.
*sigh*…there’s a lot more I could say on this issue. But my heart’s pumping a little faster from frustration and if I get further into this issue I might keep typing for a good few hours. I sure hope writing a thesis will be this easy to write!
September 3, 2008
· Filed under Faith, People I love, Young Adults
I don’t feel entirely qualified to write about youth ministry issues. However I have been in youth groups and I’ve also had a ‘taste’ of running some young adults groups. So there’s my little disclaimer… 
There are so many issues involved in the category of ‘Christian young adults’ in general as it’s an age bracket where just so much is going on in life. It encompasses everything from leaving school, choosing career paths, going to uni, working, possibly leaving home, forming closer relationships, potential for marriage and the list goes on. It’s a time when the identity gets dragged through the super fast spin cycle and often finds itself wrung out to dry and feeling a little worse for wear.
It’s also a time when ideas and opinions of the world in which we live can be tried, tested, challenged and changed. Entering ‘adulthood’ can almost be just as traumatic as going through *shudders* puberty. Not only do we experience pressures from the inside, but outward expectations for us to change as well. It’s all of a sudden not appropriate to ‘grunt’ at people or slam doors when something or someone upsets us- we’re adults and it’s time we learnt to communicate our thoughts and feelings with a tad more maturity.
So… with all this in mind- how then do we support young adults in church? It’s such a tricky one. Firstly, not every person in their 20’s has the common denominator of still attending highschool. While some in their 20’s may become youth leaders themselves and start to support the teenagers in church, others may be having children of their own! Many will get the travel bug, others will decide to live at uni *cough*. And sadly, it seems to be a time when statistically young adults ‘make or break’ their commitment to church or even their faith. So how on earth do you support this important group of people in church? Because they’re now ‘adults’ themselves do they simply not require leadership as a high school youth group does? I believe that any age group requires role models and leaders- even in and amongst themselves- to encourage them along whatever stage of life they’re at.
I’m not suggesting that an older ‘youth group’ where we all go bowling or play mini-golf every Friday night would work. Firstly, for some reason being of this age comes with the job description of being a commitment-phobe, and secondly while these kinds of activities with friends are fun and there’s nothing wrong with them- it’s not exactly accommodating for some of the tougher real-life issues that young adults are grappling with. And while we all may not fit into clearly defined groups- this doesn’t mean that we don’t need to stick together and support each other, all the while being supported by others.
I don’t propose any solutions. As suggesting that there are solutions is short-sighted and naive in itself. All I will say is that young adults are a group who need just as much support, love, good examples and encouragement as teenagers do. I hate the cliche but they are the ‘next generation’ and if we don’t invest in them, how can we expect them to emulate our actions when their own kids come along? Bear in mind I’m a young adult myself…and on the younger end of the scale at that. So I’m aware that that last sentence could make me sound like I’m speaking from a much older and more ‘detached’ generation. But you don’t need to be ‘old’ to realise the importance of encouraging those younger than you.
Hmm…I didn’t intend to write such a long post. And I haven’t scratched the surface of what’s going on my mind in relation to these issues. But that’s ok- because it’s an ongoing, never-ending discussion
September 2, 2008
· Filed under Social Health stuff, Uni stuff
I’m disappointed. Not sure if I’m more disappointed at my own naivety or just the state of affairs. One day I see myself working in academia. I realise many would roll their eyes, snigger or make some comment about ‘not living in reality’. Well I take all of those comments on board…but in my mind it’s still an important job- and ’somebody has to do it’. And if I happen to enjoy research then why not let it be me?! And it’s not that I feel super talented at researching in any respects…however throughout my uni life so far it seems to be one thing that gets me going and that I feel good enough at to possibly turn into a career one day.
So back to my disappointment. I spent 3 years in the Health faculty as an undergraduate and every time I took the lift up to the top level of the Health building where all the important people live I would feel this buzz and excitement and think ‘wow- maybe that’ll be me one day!’. But I’m afraid to say that now spending more time up on the top level doing my honours stuff I’ve found that scratching below the surface even just a millimetre reveals a whole lot of ugly :s. There is SO much politics between the academics, lecturers and researchers. It’s really disheartening to find that all these people devoting their working hours to improving the mental, physical and social health of our society just don’t seem to be able to get along because one person’s office is a square centimetre bigger than the person’s next door.
I would expect stereotypically that there would be back stabbing and mud slinging in professions like economics and business…as these just seem to be a little more cut-throat and competitive to me. But sadly I must’ve worn rose coloured glasses for a little too long. I’m a self-confessed idealist. And I honestly hope to remain that way. It was through sticking my neck out and suggesting ‘why don’t we go further up the food chain?’ in a community health centre and being laughed at and called an ‘idealistic student’ that I decided academia was my next option. I sure hope that one day if I do find myself a career in academia that I don’t get weighed down in silly politics…but I guess sometimes they’re unavoidable. *sigh*
I don’t think it’s all doom and gloom. My ‘hero’ in the health world- who happened to help me land my first job and get through uni alive- still lives on that top floor and I admire her for her integrity and transparency that I’ve witnessed so far (she’s also a pastor’s wife and has a life in her community ‘outside’ of academia- that’s gotta be admired!!). I hope that I can one day be even just a little like her.
September 1, 2008
· Filed under Faith, Music
I’ve been thinking today about music and in particular worship music. I love music. I have music playing a lot of the time- quietly when I’m studying, loudly when I’m getting ready in the morning, love some funky beats when I’m driving (and dancing- although I don’t do both at the same time too well). So yeah basically I love music.
But when it comes to worship music I seem to have different experiences/feelings towards it. Sadly, I find that sometimes there’s more worshiping going on in secular music than there is in Christian music. It’s almost as if worship music has become about ‘us’ and ‘me’ and making ‘me’ feel good, whereas much of secular music is about worshiping the opposite sex. Think about it- here are some lyrics from random songs I can think of off the top of my head: ‘these words are my own, from my heart I sing ‘I love you I love you I love you’. And another song: ‘I was lost before I found you, you make me whole inside’. Now…which is the secular and which is the non-secular? The thing is that both of them could be either.
Don’t get me wrong- I’m not suggesting that worship doesn’t involve singing love songs to God. But if you take out God’s name and many Biblical concepts from much of today’s worship music, I think there’s a danger of our worship becoming a little empty and God-less, all the while becoming more about ‘us’.
I grew up in a little Anglican church where aside from in Sunday School we only ever sang hymns. It was painfully boring after a while. However now that I feel ‘older and wiser’ I’m able to read over the words of those hymns and see that perhaps they had a point there that I was missing out on. Most hymns simply take chunks of text from the Bible and put it to music. How much more genuine could we be with our worship through song? And no I don’t want to only ever sing hymns in church for the rest of my life thankyou! But there’s truth and power in the fact that we can use David’s Psalms written generations upon generations ago and worship a God who was just as real then and He is real now.
I’ll finish up with the lyrics of a hymn that I happen to love. I’m aware that it’s not super popular because it’s a tad hard to sing…but that’s not the point! When I sing this song I’m not confused about who I’m singing it to.
As the deer pants for the water
So my soul longs after you
You alone are my heart’s desire
And I long to worship you
You alone are my strength, my shield
To you alone will my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship you
I want you more than gold or silver
Only you can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye
You’re my friend and you are my Father
Even though you are my King
I love you more than any other
So much more than anything
