vele gedachten

It’s still bothering me, which is bothering me in itself. You meet one random person once and never see them again, but they do something to you- something unexplainable- that keeps you thinking about them for weeks afterwards. This never happens to me! And if it happens to someone else my level of understanding or sympathy is usually quite low. The context doesn’t help to support my case either- it’s hardly anything life changing to meet someone at a gig. But regardless of all the jokes and reasoning like ‘of course you meet and talk to random people at gigs- it means nothing’, it did mean something to me. And still does for that matter!! *sigh*…when something is lodged in my brain it generally takes some time to work it’s way out. This one’s taking it’s time to budge. I’m sure I’ll be laughing about it in time…but for now I’m still keeping my eyes out on buses and trains.

I saw the movie ghost town the other night and it was fantastic. Loved it. A song from the movie that I later went and googled the lyrics of was ‘heart of life’ by John Mayer and I’ve had it on repeat in my office at work today. I recommend you listen to it

Today my brother proposed to his girlfriend, so my little family is growing another member. Although I spose it’s not really official yet…but it feels different anyway.

I haven’t left the house today. Not once. My lungs must be crying out for some fresh air. But it’s now 1.30 am…hardly an appropriate time to go for a stroll. I’ve been sick for two weeks now and it’s really taking its toll on my body clock.

This week is going to be super busy. Starting a new job- helping to write some chapters of the yr 12 health and human development text book. Which should be fun. It’s the kind of thing I’ve aspired to do…and now that I’m actually doing it it’s like ‘oh yeah…that thing’. Well I shouldn’t talk it up more than it really is. My name won’t go on it- even though I’ll be collecting the information and summarising it. The person who puts it together will be the only known author as far as anyone is concerned. Kinda disappointing really…maybe it’ll be me one day. Who knows. But yeah the odd thing is that it suddenly doesn’t seem as much of a success marker as I used to make such things out to be.

I’ve just had a friend over and we were discussing male/female relationships. As usual with us…it turned into a bit of a ‘men suck’ rant. But the sad thing is that I’ve just grown so tired recently of the issue being constantly in my face. I either want to be content and partnered or content and single. None of this in between messiness. None of this always feeling the need to be surveying the field. It’s doing my head in. And making me feel like something I’m not- I’ve never let the existence of the opposite sex get under my skin so much anyway. There. That’s how I feel. Sick of it!

I saw someone at work the other day with a t.shirt that read ‘I make friends offline’. I love it! I almost went up to him and commented…but thought that was silly so I didn’t. I’d like to think I make my friends offline too…although I realise the possibility for deepening some friendships to an extent through an online medium. Either way- I was impressed.

I’ve been so devoid of human contact today. I feel quite unfulfilled…and that’s unusual. I usually go through the day content and happy with my own company. But not today. Maybe cos I’ve been sick and stuck inside it’s been deafeningly obvious that I’m lonely and want company. *pfft*- pity party for one!

My peace lily is flowering. Goodnight.