October 7, 2008
· Filed under Faith, I'm avoiding study..., Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category), Over-analysis, Random, Uni stuff
It is now day 4 in a row of unproductive days. Not completely unproductive…but I don’t feel as though I have enough to show for what I’ve been doing. I have to present my findings in 3 days. THREE DAYS. Oh it’s painful. Painfully painful! All I want to do is dance (oh…that reminds me I’ll have to post on my nomination for the ‘logies’ of dancing soon- what a joke)…but yes because of course that’s going to lead to the career of my dreams! It’s typical though…at this time it’s usual for the most abstract of things to start taking over my brain and convincing me that they’re the most important things I should be thinking of right at this minute…as compared to writing a thesis.
I lay awake in bed last night for 3 whole hours- THREE long, agonising hours- before I got to sleep and in the end only managed about 4 hours shuteye, and the night before that I slept for 13 hours straight without waking once- much to my disgust. This is unusual!! Not only are sleeping patterns up the creek…but I no longer like food. Vegemite toast and extra salted peanuts can at times be forced down, but otherwise it doesn’t take much more than a spoonful of breakfast cereal to remind me that the digestive system has a wonderful feature called regurgitation. Lovely.
I feel like I’m being tempted in the desert. No I’m not likening myself to Jesus…I just empathise with him right now. He had a big job to do and all these enticing things were there for the picking, but he abstained. Well I wish I could say I was as noble, holy and able to ignore the lure of the grass on the other side. My defenses are weak at the moment- I can tell. The idea of things that usually seem absurd are all of a sudden ‘not so bad- surely?’. *sigh*
Oh great! Chainsaws have started singing their sweet tune next door. Perfect study noise.
September 22, 2008
· Filed under I'm avoiding study..., Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category), Uni stuff
I haven’t been able to blog for a while now and it will be a longer while yet before I’ll be back in the land of normal unfortunately. My thesis is due in just over 4 weeks and the pressure is increasing daily (much to the disappointment of the little person inside of me that keeps saying- ‘it’s Springtime! Let’s go out and play!’).
I went away for the weekend to a little country town out past Ballarat which was nice. I took my laptop and actually got a lot of work done without all the distractions of home. Now that I’m back my motivation has dropped considerably though 
*sigh*. I’ve reached a bit of a brick wall in my analysis and I’m likening it to when you make a cake and put all the ingredients in and then cook it- you can’t then un-make it and get the ingredients back into their original form. Well…I feel as though I’m ‘making my analysis cake’ but now when I try to go back and re-evaluate it it’s a pile of mush.
Anyway…due dates don’t care for how I feel. They’re cold-hearted, nightmare dwelling creatures that kick you when you’re down!
Enough grumbles…back to work.
August 28, 2008
· Filed under Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category), Random
I realised yet again tonight that I have a very strong dislike for being home alone at night time. *sigh*
It’s quite a debilitating and un-realistic fear. And yet it is very very real all the same. Didn’t help that somewhere in the house I could hear what sounded like a mouse scratching at something *shudders*. Doesn’t seem to matter how loud I sing, how loud the TV or music is on, how many lights I turn on- I still manage to hear the slightest of noises and freeze while half expecting a complete stranger to enter my kitchen.
Fear sucks. It really does.
August 14, 2008
· Filed under Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category)
Sorry “Jan” but I’m unhappy with you again! Had a hectic day of interviews today for my study. The first one was frustrating because my participant did not at all fit the criteria so I sat there for an hour stringing out this long conversation about chickens and vegie gardens thinking to myself ‘this is useless. Completely useless- but I’ll have to transcribe the jolly thing anyway!’ So yeah…that was my frustration for the morning. I came home, re-grouped and tried to de-stress about this afternoon’s interview.
So I get to the cafe- it’s kinda scary mind you going to a cafe expecting to interview someone you’ve never met and you have no idea what they look like. I sat and waited for 20mins getting weird looks from almost everyone else in the room. Finally I went out to my car to ring this participant thinking perhaps I’d been at the wrong cafe, and she answers the phone and explains ‘oh no- I rang the uni yesterday leaving a message for you that I couldn’t make the interview’. <Insert exasperated and annoyed expression/grumble here>.
I can’t give out any of my own numbers for stupid privacy issues so the number she had to ring me one is supposedly manned all day and I’m contacted if any of my participants ring. So yeah- not happy Jan (or whoever it was who didn’t pass on my message and left me feeling alone and awkward in a stupid cafe!!).
There. I’ve had my grumble for today. I’m so tempted to walk 1min up the road and devour a pint of pleasure all on my lonesome. Hmm…tempting
