October 7, 2008
· Filed under Faith, I'm avoiding study..., Not happy Jan (it deserves its own category), Over-analysis, Random, Uni stuff
It is now day 4 in a row of unproductive days. Not completely unproductive…but I don’t feel as though I have enough to show for what I’ve been doing. I have to present my findings in 3 days. THREE DAYS. Oh it’s painful. Painfully painful! All I want to do is dance (oh…that reminds me I’ll have to post on my nomination for the ‘logies’ of dancing soon- what a joke)…but yes because of course that’s going to lead to the career of my dreams! It’s typical though…at this time it’s usual for the most abstract of things to start taking over my brain and convincing me that they’re the most important things I should be thinking of right at this minute…as compared to writing a thesis.
I lay awake in bed last night for 3 whole hours- THREE long, agonising hours- before I got to sleep and in the end only managed about 4 hours shuteye, and the night before that I slept for 13 hours straight without waking once- much to my disgust. This is unusual!! Not only are sleeping patterns up the creek…but I no longer like food. Vegemite toast and extra salted peanuts can at times be forced down, but otherwise it doesn’t take much more than a spoonful of breakfast cereal to remind me that the digestive system has a wonderful feature called regurgitation. Lovely.
I feel like I’m being tempted in the desert. No I’m not likening myself to Jesus…I just empathise with him right now. He had a big job to do and all these enticing things were there for the picking, but he abstained. Well I wish I could say I was as noble, holy and able to ignore the lure of the grass on the other side. My defenses are weak at the moment- I can tell. The idea of things that usually seem absurd are all of a sudden ‘not so bad- surely?’. *sigh*
Oh great! Chainsaws have started singing their sweet tune next door. Perfect study noise.
August 14, 2008
· Filed under Over-analysis
So my brain must be split in two. I’m sitting here transcribing interviews and find myself at the same time contemplating how different people react in different friendship-ending situations (as I said earlier today…it was a rather boring and tedious interview this morning!). But yes- not just break-ups, but all scenarios where something happens and a connection is lost. What is it about some people that they have the ability to make the definitive ‘chop’ and walk away, whereas others still think about it for sometimes years afterwards? Is one more emotionally “in control” and mature than the other?
Coming from the camp of people who struggles a lot in the walking away business- so much so that I don’t like to lose contact with even the most fleeting of friendships because I feel guilty and obliged to keep an interest in them, I find this issue a hard one. I wonder about the people who do outwardly appear to cut people off and move on as if the friendship or connection they had with that person in some way was purely a ‘transaction’ of sorts. I wonder if it really is purely an outward thing and deep down it’s actually due to some sort of disconnection somewhere. I would be concerned actually if I did find myself able to meet someone, get to know them and then walk out of their lives again as if just making a quick detour.
I’m not saying we should all cling to every friendship/relationship we ever have with anybody- our list of facebook friends could just get out of control then :p. But yes of course that’s not logical- as the Bible says in…Leviticas? Or Lamentations? whichever one- there are seasons. So to clarify for myself, I’m not talking about when you just lose contact. I’m referring more to when something ‘happens’ that causes the distance.
There are no easy answers and I’m sure we all wish we could have these perfectly fluid friendships that could come and go and never involve any pain/betrayal/loss/unforgiveness etc. I guess the psychologist in me just wonders why different people react in often such polar opposite ways. Hmm…back to the transcribing about the importance of having chickens
