I’ve been at soul survivor recently. This year was my 8th year in a row! It’s amazing to look back and see how things have changed personally, and also with the festival over those 8 years. So many big changes in my life have been due to a catalyst event or experience at Soul, so I have a lot of good and difficult memories associated with festivals past. It’s a bit shameful to admit that this year was my first year that I was not simply a passive receiver of all that went on. I helped out in Revive- one of the food venues. This in itself is significant.
I desperately desire to have the gift of hospitality and serving. I find it however, like pulling teeth that will not budge. Being in a situation where I am serving food and drinks, needing to be friendly to random strangers and friends alike as well as being under time pressure tends to cause a brain melting sensation. I involuntarily slow down all mentally functioning capabilties and seem to be able to focus solely on one small task at a time. Those who worked with me in Revive are probably having light bulbs go off in their head at this moment…as they’ve realised why it was I turned into a different person behind the kitchen bench! There was however one evening when I felt released a little bit from this paralysis, and went to the other extreme of dancing and singing in the kitchen while serving people. I haven’t had that much fun in a very long time! But yes…sadly for the majority of the time, hospitality is not something that comes easily to me no matter how much I crave to be good at it.
So, this year’s soul was very different to any other. I don’t regret at all helping out, but it did mean that I wasn’t able to participate as fully as I’m used to in the seminars and main sessions. In a funny way this took away some of the unconscious pressure I put on myself to have mega life changing realisations and experiences during the camp. Instead, I was there with a purpose and any subsequent personal experiences were just that…they were additional unexpected things. I was fortunate enough to be able to have some time off to get to two of Stephen Said’s seminars. If I’d known what I’d learn in one short hour each time I walked in I think I wouldn’t armed my head with padding for all the brain knocking-about I was going to receive.
I don’t want to give any of the glory that God deserves to some mere human being…but I must say just how much I really gelled with the respect the way this guy’s mind works. Coming from a health sociology background myself it was incredibly exciting to have someone explain some of the most taken for granted and mis-used Biblical texts from a sociopolitical viewpoint. It was just WOW. Passages I’d read hundreds of times took on completely new and fantastically relevant meanings! I spoke to a pastor at my church who I have tremendous respect for about these ideas, and asked him just where could I get the version of the Bible that Steve has?!!! As I suspected…it does take a few years of Bible college to get that sort of in depth knowledge, but I’m planning on starting with some good commentaries first to build my way up (I also currently don’t have the funds to launch into any sort of Bible college activities yet *sigh* but one day!). One thing this pastor from church told me was how as exciting as it can be to analyse the political context of every verse in the Bible, it is vital not to let this take away from the penetrating elements of God’s grace and mercy etc etc. Which I understand and respect. But to know that there is more than just that, and to know that I can actually marry my love of sociology with reading the Bible without fear of being condemned (I don’t know where this idea in my head came from…but it was there and I didn’t even know it) is a very freeing feeling!
So as well as the amazing intellectual stimulation I received in those two short hours at Soul, it also penetrated through to my heart a little. One thing that Steve said (haha…a pun over used I’m quite convinced…but haha worthy anyway), was that God doesn’t just want our sacrifice. He wants our obedience. Oh and how different are those two things!! Whoa that was a wake-up call. Another thing that was spoken about was how even though we are saved by faith and not by works, we will be judged by how we respond the widows, the orphans and the poor. Suddenly my ‘vocation’ becomes a lot more meaningful and purposeful. I study the impact of inequitable Government policies on single parents (some of whom are widows…but all of whom pretty much are in poverty), and to think that I could actually contribute my little ‘bit’ to the Kingdom of God through my work is a very exciting concept. This concept is certainly not new to me; one of the main reasons why I’m heading where I’m heading in my line of work is because I passionately feel that there is a need and an issue that I want to bring change to. However having the reminder couldn’t have come at a better time when I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless at what I’m doing for work. I still don’t feel good enough…and perhaps I never will. But knowing that I’m at least trying to be obedient to what God might want me to be doing is enough to keep me plodding through the dish-pig academic jobs for now.
All this has also given me some inspiration for a possible Phd. The very vague, out-there, potentially completely crazy idea that I could somehow combine this notion of the sociology of poverty in Jesus’ time to how it’s perceived/constructed today. It gives me shivers just to type that. Whether something so idealistic could ever be pulled off doesn’t particularly bother me so much at the moment though…as I’m content to be kicking little goals in this general direction for…well forever really.
I’ve realised as I finish this post that my title really has little to do with my content. But in a way…it’s simply representative of what God’s teaching me at the moment. That he’s greedy, and wants more from me than I’m ever willing to give him at any given time. But despite my pride, gluttony and selfishness…he still holds his hand out asking for more. And I love that about Him.
vele gedachten 